ò The Woods Are Dark ☆ Download by ☆ Richard Laymon
ò The Woods Are Dark ☆ Download by ☆ Richard Laymon Balls to the wall horror from the first chapter There are two things that are important if you want to read this book The first, if you don t know Laymon, is that this author liked the graphic description of sex He will not hold back when it comes to doing the dirty In fact, there was a song that ran through my head quite a bit as I read this story In the SOUTH PARK episode where they parodied GAME OF THRONES, they had a male choir who did the words for the theme song Mostly, it went Wiener Wiener wiener Wiener wiener That just about sums it up So, if the sex scenes will be offensive to you, avoid this book altogether And, by the way, good luck with not thinking about wieners the next time you here the GAME OF THRONE I also read the longer original Uncut Version of this book.
This was the first Laymon book I ever read when I found the paperback for sale in a Target store book section, Complete with the sleazy foil cover I was so pleased when Cemetery Dance published this Uncut Version.
When an unkempt legless man drags himself out in front of your convertible on an isolated mountain road and throws a severed hand at you, you should A Stop and see if he needs a hand sorry, couldn t help myself B Show him your boobs, Laymon nipples and allC Go get some chicken fried steak and eggs at the next available dinerD Take a few minutes out for some steamy lesbian sexE All of the above.
The crazy thing is that in this one, all of these are very real possibilities There are no wrong answers in this one It has a bit of everything Crazy as f ck from the get go and only gets crazier as it gets rolling.
If you know what you are getting into ahead of time, I have a feeling that you will enjoy the ride It is filled wi The woods are lovely, dark and deepuntilyou re being chased through the forest by a horde of inbred cannibals Then it s enough to make even a staunch tree hugger like myself say, Go, logging industry I had the same problem with this book that I did with The Ruins, in that the characters were so insipid I couldn t wait for them ALL to die And any author that makes me root for the cannibals is worthy of scorn, not praise Thrown in dozens of WTF moments view spoiler They re in the proverbial middle of nowhere, yet one of the female cannibals manages to keep her public region nicely shaved A chopper rescue in the deep, dark forest Oh, you big, strong unwashed redneck man Even though you kidnapped me, and were going to sacrifice me to the cannibals, I am now IN LOVE with you, so le Laymon rewrites Ketchum s Off Season as a comedy porno and it s a rocking good time read the whole book in about 3 hours Very much like watching a crazy batshit insane horror movie Really not so much horror as pure insanity This book might be the original Wrong Turn as it s very much in a similar vein and tone, and even though an earlier work it s still full of Laymon s signature WTF delights Loved it, and highly recommend that if you haven t read it yet, get it check your brain at the door and run screaming naked through the woods for a few hours with this one Make sure it s the restored and uncut version can t imagine this book any other way.
5 stars rounded up Wow This was my first Richard Laymon novel and I was not disappointed I know Laymon has a bit of a bad reputation as in, he s known for writing trashy horror , so I was a bit hesitant when starting this short tale of a few people lost in the woods and on the run from an incestuous family of cannibals that practice witchcraft I think Oh, and the Devil shows up too In literal monster form Needless to say, this thing is intense I could not and did not want to put it down The whole time I was reading, I felt like I was reading Jack Ketchum s Off Season which is funny, since they were both published in 1981 , only I enjoyed this one much Maybe it s because I was able to sympathize with the characters, despite Ketchum arguably fleshing his creations out I dunno Laymon did a good job, here, of giving me just enough information to THE RESTORED, UNCUT EDITION, IN PRINT FOR THE FIRST TIME Neala And Her Friend Sherri Only Wanted To Do A Little Hiking Through The Woods Little Did They Know They Would Soon Be Shackled To A Dead Tree, Waiting For Them To ArriveThe Dills Family Thought The Small Hotel In The Quiet Town Seemed Quaint And Harmless Enough Until They, Too, Found Themselves Shackled To Trees In The Middle Of The Night, While They Approached, Hungry For Human FleshWhen This Classic Novel Of Terror Was First Published, It Was Heavily Cut, With Nearly Fifty Pages Removed Now, For The First Time Ever, The Missing Text Has Been Completely Restored And Every Horrifying Page Is Back Finally The Novel Can Be read The Way It Was Meant To Be This Edition Contains An Advance Look At Laymon S Upcoming Beware Novel, November Apparently this book was first copywrited in 1981 and the editors for Warner books butchered the book Taking out full paragraphs, whole chapters were removed, bad grammatical errors, and so on Laymon often referred to this book as the one that ruined his career Then in 2008 after painstaking work, his daughter, Kelly Laymon pieced the book back together and had it published as the restored and uncut version, fortunately this is the version I have Sad that Laymon did not get to see what his daughter had accomplished since he passed away in 2001 His daughter wrote a little story about all of this and published it into the first few pages of The Woods Are Dark So there may be some bad reviews of this book if the 1981 version is what was read If you